I recently deactivated my Facebook® account for a couple months and, after the initial shock of not having a news feed to scroll through passed, I realized I was experiencing some crazy emotions. I was sad, missing all my daily interactions. I was lonely, lonelier than I had ever been in the past. My phone was extra quiet and the ones I reached out to, gave me a hard time about deactivating. I was frustrated!

November proved to be a big month for me, and with New Year’s around the corner, this year is going out with my own personal fireworks! Do you believe in the Law of Attraction?

"Resilient," he said… "A warrior," he called me… if I could only see that truth… Living with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) can be painful when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Love means everything yet nothing at all. We seem to love hard and fast yet live in constant fear of being abandoned. The heartache is caused by an ongoing yearning to find true happiness, though we may not even know what that is.

It all started a couple weeks ago. I had a real conversation with someone who actually believes in the same things I do - someone who values old school beliefs and finds peace in his universe, as well as understands how we manifest our lives. The conversation flowed for almost 6 hours, and by the end, I felt immense joy. We shared so many thoughts. Those first couple days were truly amazing. There were no uncomfortable silences. The laughs flowed as easily as the feelings that carried them. He was so beautiful to me. However, after just a few days, reality forced its way in, and I realized this would not last forever.

Who is an Addict? Most people define an addict as someone who is an alcoholic or drug user. The truth is, anything that eases pain can become an object of addiction. People become addicted to the absence of feeling emotion. They want pain on the outside instead of the inside, and they want to become someone they are not. It's not always easy to recognize an addict, however. They can have good jobs, good friends and look no different on the outside than anyone else.

I'ts normal to be sad and hurt at times. It's also very normal to get angry, however letting it consume you is not healthy. The hard part is knowing how much time to allow these emotions to have the stage. One thing I found that helps is a technique called Self-Soothing. You can find helpful resources here. SELF-SOOTHING is comforting, nurturing and being kind to yourself. One way to accomplish self-soothing is to comfort your five senses in the following ways:

Today is March 1, 2013 – Self Injury Awareness Day Self-injury or self-harming is when a person deliberately hurts themselves physically to deal with the emotional pain they are suffering. When it comes to self-harm, cutting is thought of as the main way people hurt themselves. But this is only one way to deal with inner pain. Another misconception is that it’s mainly teenagers that use this coping mechanism; the truth is, self-harm occurs in all age groups, both sexes and many races and backgrounds.

If you have been in any type of relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, you would tell me that it was hell and you were constantly walking on eggshells. The problem is, we BPDs are just as afraid of ourselves as you are of us. We do not like living with this person any more than you do. However, it is not our choice...not at first anyway. This is how we learned to deal with life, whether it is right or wrong. For me, everyone that I have ever loved has left me. No one wants to deal with the ‘crazy’ and honestly, most days I don’t want to either.

I think the problem is that I’ve never understood quite what love is. Is it having someone there for you when you need him or her? Someone who can listen when you need to vent and won’t judge you for your craziness? Someone who shares the same core values and supports you on your decisions? Seriously, do these seem like I expect too much?

It's Mother-Daughter week and it is also “Triggers” week in my group therapy. Coincidence? I think not. The kicker – my mother (whom I do not have a relationship with) recently contacted me on Facebook. It’s funny when you start making changes in your life, the little things that you try to ignore, rear up their ugly heads. What would the old me do?

I've ridden a roller-coaster my entire life, fitting in nowhere, not even in my own home. Of course, by chance when I did, I’d find some way to mess it up. This life never allowed me to like myself or believe I deserved others to like me either. I’d moved out on my own by 16 and was expelled from school just before graduation. My life displayed a pattern: abusive relationships, drug abuse, eating disorders, and other self-destructive tendencies that I never once thought of as problems. I really had no idea who I was. I simply lived my life the best way I knew how.