Confidence or Vanity?

Kellie R. Stone July 22, 2010

Do people tell you all the time that you are confident? Does being the center of attention get you revved up for your day or week? And one last question: Do you know the difference between being confident in yourself and being vain? I’m not here to answer those questions; that, you have to do all on your own. Sorry. What I am going to tell you is my perspective on the topic and how your understanding of yourself can catapult you to new heights in your life.

Confidence: assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities.

Since I can remember, I have been a confident girl/woman. Now let me tell you exactly what that means, at least to me. It means that I don’t freak out when asked to speak in front of people; I don’t mind walking into a crowded room; I’m not afraid to try new things (most of the time); and it doesn’t take much persuasion for me to talk about myself to others.

Now, let me tell you about a time when I crossed the line into the world of vanity. It went something like this: I would not leave the house unless I had on full make-up, hair done, every article of clothing in place, and I knew I looked good. Nothing wrong with looking good, but it was a little extreme when it caused me to be late, miss out on opportunities, and even hinder relationships. I also would not shut up long enough to let anyone else talk. I couldn’t because it was all about me. I now know how much I missed by not listening to others.

Vanity: extreme love of self : feelings of excessive pride

The line (the really thin one) is almost invisible to those of us who are confident. We even use the “I’m a confident woman” as an excuse for our behavior. When every thought, action, and plan we have becomes about ourselves, it’s time to take an inventory. I did. Vanity is something that can capture you, wrap you up, and render you as helpless as being without confidence. It repels people and opportunities.

What is Confidence, Really?

Confidence is not a trait that many are just born with. Though some seem to possess it from a very young age…the preschooler who always starts the games and activities; the first-grader who always raises her hand; the middle school girl who tries out for the cheer team “just because” and actually makes it. You know those types, don’t you? Usually confidence is gained over a period of time by being yourself and having positive results come from your thoughts and actions. Others notice you for being genuinely caring and interested in them and the world around you. Confidence. Then you have the ones who fly quickly past confidence and go straight to vanity. Here’s some insight into how they might act:

What is Vanity, Really?

The vain woman is a delicate creature who needs to have praise, attention, and be as perfect as possible at all times. They think that everything and everyone around them is focused on them; therefore, they have to obtain perfection. The funny thing is that though perfection is the goal, the woman may be clueless to what is expected or even wanted by those around her. For example: a businesswoman- a vain one- gets a new position at a prestigious company. She is determined to show off her goods in beauty and in talent. Barely passing the office door, she is already flirting with the men, making the women uncomfortable, and assuming that the boss is putting all of his or her eggs in her basket. She has inadvertently shot herself in the foot with her inappropriate behavior.

Everything is Not About You…or Me

Time to get a clue, ladies and gentlemen (I know you men read WLL, too). You know who you are. At this point in our existence and the crucial time in our history, we need to start thinking about the greater good of mankind as opposed to “what can I get out of this?”. Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for give and take and getting something in exchange for your hard work. But here’s the thing: keep in mind that there are 6 billion other people on the planet who are just as valuable as you are. Furthermore, they are not all alive to serve you, to love you, to praise you, or to even look at you for that matter. So, start thinking about your actions and thoughts in terms of how you can bring a little more focus on others and get it off of yourself. Vanity is nothing more than a tool of self-destruction.

For the sake of creating a short book on the issues of vanity, I will end this post here. However, if this is a topic that you’d like to hear more about, leave a comment or feel free to email me directly at womenslifelink@gmail.com.