Tag Archives: Adversity

I am a mother. I have 3 little people. Two daughters and one son; ages 9, 7 and 5 respectively. I have a mother, and I have a mother-in-law. I also still have a living grandmother. So what is a mother? If we refer to the dictionary the definition is concise - a ‘female parent’. But how do we do it and what are our expectations of being a mother? What about having a mother? Surely it’s more than being a female parent. It’s about the nurturing, the teaching, the sharing, the guidance and the companionship. There are many books penned on just the issues of how to be a better mother and how to deal with the position of being a mother.

It's Mother-Daughter week and it is also “Triggers” week in my group therapy. Coincidence? I think not. The kicker – my mother (whom I do not have a relationship with) recently contacted me on Facebook. It’s funny when you start making changes in your life, the little things that you try to ignore, rear up their ugly heads. What would the old me do?

From the moment I knew you were inside my womb, I dreamed of how beautiful you would be, how smart, and how loving to the world around you. Your first cry marked the beginning of your incredible journey of life in a world that isn't always kind or loving back. So with the amazing joy I felt at that instant, a fear also gripped my heart. I was afraid of losing you. Every mother feels this bittersweet tug of war in her spirit. I also feared that I would somehow not be a good mother to you, that I would monumentally screw up your life in some obscure way.

So the Australian Open tennis tournament is on in Melbourne at the moment, and watching the Australians play and compete got me thinking... We have this thing in Australia called the ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’. Mind you, I think it’s in other places around the globe, but this is my experience of it here. It’s a rather ugly scenario where Australians like to chop down those around them who are standing taller or achieving more than they are, so that everyone appears to be on the same level, average -not making any one look less!

I don’t mind saying I have the best sex life ever. Probably better than anyone else’s. I know that sounds egotistical, but that is how content I am, with where I am, in that area in my life. I’ve achieved the pinnacle of success in that area of my life. But not before I swam through a lot of dry flavorless valleys. Actually I wasn’t swimming; I was pretending to doggy paddle and really drowning.

I've ridden a roller-coaster my entire life, fitting in nowhere, not even in my own home. Of course, by chance when I did, I’d find some way to mess it up. This life never allowed me to like myself or believe I deserved others to like me either. I’d moved out on my own by 16 and was expelled from school just before graduation. My life displayed a pattern: abusive relationships, drug abuse, eating disorders, and other self-destructive tendencies that I never once thought of as problems. I really had no idea who I was. I simply lived my life the best way I knew how.

There isn't much anyone can say to comfort someone who is being stalked. Terror and the fear of the unknown dominate the thoughts of a woman who knows someone is there watching, waiting, and looking for an opportune time to pounce. The only real relief comes when the perpetrator is stopped by the law or other means. I've said all this to paint a picture of a problem that I believe is just as serious and causes similar negative actions. I'm talking about being stalked by your own self-doubt, fear, and negative beliefs. Please hear me out...

You know that horrible feeling you get when your car slides into a muddy ditch or snow mound? Desperate. Helpless. Stuck. This is something that usually happens to everyone...at least once in their life. It usually takes a little help to get unstuck. Well, the muddy or icy hell hole you drove into is really just a metaphor for what could be happening in your life. Women are especially vulnerable to the "ditches" and "snow mounds" that seem to pull us in from time-to-time. Why does this life-hindering thing happen? Though vehicular mishaps usually just sort of happen, life traps grip us as a result of our own thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

Do you ever sit in a inoperable slump, waiting for your foul mood to pass, or for something good to happen to change things? I have. And, while in a state of self-pity and emotional compromise, my creativity has been stifled. Yes, nil, zip, zilch...it was in those times when I tended to focus on what I didn't want, instead of what I did. It was like a steel trap, in the sense that I struggled to escape. Well, at least for those moments.

Did you ever wonder why bad things happen to good people? And, do you always blame either God or the devil for those misfortunes? How about considering the alternative? Maybe we create our own drama and unserving dilemmas. I mean, come on, to blame the devil for breaking my toe, when I was foolishly walking through a dark room in the middle of the night to sneak some chocolate cake. Really?

(1) Fine: Women use this word to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

In my own pursuit of creative goals, I've realized (sometimes the hard way) that things don't always go the way you hope them to. However, it isn't necessary to understand the "whys" and "hows" of every vision or effort before stepping into a process of getting them done. I do believe that focus and determination rule in the creative arena, though. You have to keep going toward your dreams...no matter what gets in your way. This week I'm being greatly challenged in my physical body to even get anything typed out or on paper. But, you know what? I'm doing it anyway. Because I love what I do and I can't hold in my thoughts because my body doesn't want to cooperate.

Blogging can be a lonely way to spend your time. On the other hand, it can be rewarding and bring lots of new acquaintances (even friends) your way. I've been doing this blogging thing for well over two years now and have noticed something: Blog life is very short for some. I often catch myself thinking, where did that blog go or I wonder what made her stop writing. And, you know what, I really miss some of the blogs that are nowhere to be found.

Today, I want to bring you a special article by a Women's Life Link friend, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Dr. Bonnie is considered one of the top relationship experts in the world. Her list of accomplishments include authoring six books, speaking, coaching, and mentoring countless couples to achieve happy, fulfilling relationships.

I've recently come across some information that some of you may find useful. The article said that instead of resisting the ominous feelings of panic and anxiety, that you should welcome them...even try to have them. When I first read it I thought it was weird, but when I really thought about it, it made a lot of sense. Read on for details...