Transitions

Wow! Life has sure changed in the last year since I’ve blogged.  Let’s see, I moved from Virginia Beach to San Antonio, separated from the United States Navy and became a civilian for the first time in ten years, started working towards my Bachelor‘s Degree in Fashion Management and Marketing, and hmmm… oh yeah, I made another human being!  Her name is Aysen, and I couldn’t be more excited about her coming into my life.

As your resident Sophista, I usually talk about image, self-confidence, and how to dress your best; but today, I want to talk about something a little more personal.  Transition, to be more exact.  Transition is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “a change from one state or condition to another.”  Until recently, I used the word “transition” to define my leaving the military.  What I didn’t realize is that there was much more changing in my life: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I’m going to talk about the physical change today.  There isn’t a much faster or drastic form of change than having a baby.  In the span of a year, I’ve gone from feeling strong and beautiful (pre-pregnancy), to feeling pudgy (first trimester), to feeling like a sexy fertility goddess (second and third trimesters), to feeling completely uncomfortable in my own skin (3 months post-natal).  Everyone always talks about how much your life changes after you have a baby, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for the sudden physical changes, specifically after pregnancy.  I had expected the stretch marks (which somehow I only got two on my stomach) and an increase in my bra size to accommodate breastfeeding (I didn’t realize the bra alphabet went up to K).  What I didn’t expect is the spare tire that has made its home on my waist and the little fold-over roll above my c-section scar.  Somehow I thought that I would be back into my pre-pregnancy clothes by now.  Instead, I walk into my closet, and NOTHING fits.  Literally.

I have gone shopping since I had Aysen… but I found myself hating most of the outfits and just settling for basics that catered to the ease of nursing vice snatching pieces that had my usual fashionista flare.  The result?  I felt like a plain Jane frumpy mess.

I realized this week the word transition applied to this aspect of my life… in one of the more important parts of my expression.  I finally had an “ah ha” moment… Having a baby is not just about adjusting to less sleep and taking care of this little person, it’s a change in every part of my being, including my body. Standing in my closet, I said, “Hey, I may not fit into these clothes again.  And you know what?  That’s OK.”  I’m still taking care of myself, working out most days of the week, eating well, and if the weight comes off, I will be happy.  If I do all those things and it doesn’t come off (right away at least), then I will be happy.  The point is: Just be happy with yourself and all your flaws, because it’s all a part of you.

So next time I go shopping, I’m going to treat myself like a new client…  no pretenses of what I was wearing a year ago.  I deserve to look great, now more than ever.  I want my image to express how excited I am about my life right now.  I’m a new mom, a college student, a wife… all things that I have wanted to be for a long time. The outside will reflect how I feel inside.  I’m beautiful because I am beautiful on the inside.  Even Sophistas need a little reminder of that sometimes.  TSP out.