Inner Journey

For most of us, I would venture to say, it’s easier to give than it is to receive. And that’s a little sad to me. By refusing to receive, we cheat the other person out of experiencing feelings of generosity. And I think we cheat ourselves out of the feeling of humility; A feeling that is just as important, if not more so.

As I sat out on my deck this morning, listening to the birds tweet and the breeze flow through my maple tree, I realized how perfect that moment was. I even felt distracted and annoyed by allowing my mind to think about writing this post. The moment was profound in the sense it gave me so much clarity about what it means to live in the now or present. I've been so caught up in trying to analyze the past and plan for the future that I literally have not lived my life in the moments that pass me like a speeding trucker on the highway. The good news is that I really know how to stop the cycle I've lived for so long and I want to share it with you.

I just got a new dining table and chairs delivered this morning and, boy, I am relieved! Even though I knew the space that we have in our eat-in kitchen, I still had a concern that somehow it wouldn't fit or it would look too big. But it looks beautiful and fits perfectly! However, I remember several occasions when I purchased pieces of furniture on a whim because of a sale or chance meeting at a local yard sale and totally regretted it. They were either too big, too small, too dark, or just plain didn't work where I thought they would. So, you can understand when I say I was "relieved" this morning. This event really reminds me of how you feel when trying something new or meeting new people...a little nervous, a little scared and happy-excited all at the same time. These emotions are SO normal and even built in to help us make safe and clear decisions. So, feelings are meant to create a thought process that leads to a decision...

In our lives today, we’re so rushed with everything there is to do, both personally and professionally, we have no idea whether we’re happy or not. Our lives tend to be about the next thing on the “to-do” list, or the next appointment we have, or the next thing in our over-scheduled lives. It’s hard to just stop for moment. Breathe for a moment. Think for a moment. And that’s exactly what stops us from seeing the happiness and the joy there is around us to be had at any given moment in the day.

As we attempt to raise our vibrational frequency, pursue our purpose, and live in Spirit, we so often come up against dualities. We are told to follow our path, release the negative and limiting aspects of our being, be in the space of those who are of equal or higher vibration. So what happens when we are faced with negativity, people not on purpose, conditions and situations that oppose the direction which we are pursuing?

Recently, I moved. This move involved foreclosure on a home I loved and had lived in for the past 14 years. The loss of the house was part of the fall-out of my divorce. I saw it coming long ago, so it wasn’t a surprise. I had plenty of time to come to terms with the need to move away from rooms I had spent three years faux-finishing and the garden I had grown from barren clay soil. During the move, my sex drive diminished. I was exhausted, and when I sat down to write, I couldn't focus. For the first time in 5 years, I experienced writer's block.

Remember the story of Goldilocks and the three bears? Just like Goldilocks, we question things in our lives. We test things. Taking a look at our lives is something we can forget to do with day-to-day stress. Goldilocks did not just know which porridge was the right porridge. She tested each bowl. Now, I won't get into the fact that she broke in the Bear's home in this story that might presently be banned from many schools because it promotes criminal behavior... Nonetheless, she tested which porridge was too hot, too cool and just right.

I have been thinking about feelings. There are a myriad of feelings we can experience; they can be front and centre, off to the side, hiding in your peripheral vision or nicely bound somewhere down in that back cabin of your mind, secured with a large padlock. We can be engulfed to the point of drowning, we can have feelings borrowed from someone else, feelings dictated by our families and friends or feelings that we think we should be having; whatever the situation or timing in our lives.

Today I drove down to Carter Dock. It is a lovely area that is like a lagoon. Half of the parking lot was covered in water. I parked and got my lawn chair out and strategically placed it at the water's edge. Then I sat down, planting my feet in ankle deep water on this warm and sunny, delightful day. As the water played with my ankles, I opened my book to a new page.

Have you ever been shopping for a specific item like a formal dress or pair of shoes? Well, sure you have. And, while on that shopping trip, did you tend to get really distracted by all the new seasonal fashions and trends. Suddenly, your purposeful trip to the mall gets derailed...at least for a few minutes while you rush to the dressing room to try on that cute top you just couldn't resist scooping up into your arms. After all, it's so much fun to indulge in things that don't have rhyme or reason, huh? And though I have my fair share of these carefree occasions, I want to use this scenario to explain how living your life like this regularly can literally derail your train to authentic purpose.

It all started a couple weeks ago. I had a real conversation with someone who actually believes in the same things I do - someone who values old school beliefs and finds peace in his universe, as well as understands how we manifest our lives. The conversation flowed for almost 6 hours, and by the end, I felt immense joy. We shared so many thoughts. Those first couple days were truly amazing. There were no uncomfortable silences. The laughs flowed as easily as the feelings that carried them. He was so beautiful to me. However, after just a few days, reality forced its way in, and I realized this would not last forever.

There is record of the word hope in English, though in varying form, dating back to before the twelfth century and even earlier in Hebrew. I have a good feeling that even before there was a word, there was an action- a longing, an expectation, an anticipation. It's like the human equivalent of an animal's instinct- a built in feature. Not to say that animals don't hope and humans don't have instinct. It could be that both of these things are interchangeable and innate with all life. We need hope to live, thrive, and find our purpose. That is why I am thankful to

Each of our lives start as blank canvas. You get to add the colors with the strokes of your brush through your actions and attitudes toward the things you do, feel and accomplish. Here is the way I decide which colors are going on my canvas: Anything positive, like joy, love, mercy, grace, hope, giving, and helping others are my pastels and bright colors. Anger and bitterness, hate, selfishness, and deceit are the dark, foreboding colors that don't allow for a beautiful portrait.

If you are like me, you tend to be anxious to get the end results of anything you do. Though there is nothing wrong with wanting to finish stuff, it can cause you to pull the proverbial trigger a little early sometimes. And when you're dealing with important decisions and the development of your dreams, it might serve in a greater way to wait for things to enter your life naturally, especially if you know you have intuitive gifts.

Today, I extend another invitation to you and to your spirit. It is about taking a journey into your mind and being introduced to the great power that resides within. The invitation is for you and your spirit separately because I would like you to pay attention to the separateness and to begin to acknowledge how often we do act in separation. Ultimately, our goals are to live in this world united in all aspects of our being – when we do that, we have an immediate sense of wholeness, of creation and an understanding of our full power.